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changing misperceptions

Promiscuous Equation

With many LGBTQ+ community members openly using tailored smartphone chat and dating apps and services, there is a perception that monogamous relationships are not the norm. That LGBTQ+ individuals are more likely to accept open or commitment-free relationships, and the ideal of monogamy is somehow seen as conforming. How accurate are these perceptions and beliefs in the modern global LGBTQ+ community?
There is a belief that by identifying as LGBTQ+, in doing so, you are somehow rejecting society’s definition of normal or the norm and, as such, can rewrite the meaning of personal relationships. Some even believe that monogamy is a heterosexual norm and that an individual remaining committed to one person is somehow trying to gain acceptance by conforming to society. It is indeed easy to find individuals looking for casual or commitment-free encounters in the community worldwide. Those single or partners in open relationships can easily find new willing sexual partners, including one-night stands using any of the dedicated apps and services. Even with the ease, access and the vast number of apps and services, are community members different from their heterosexual peers when it comes to sex and relationships?

First, let us consider how the various genders view sex and encounters. There has been a lot of research into the subject over the years. The results and general conclusion, which was no surprise, is that men and women have very different views and perspectives on sex and relationships. Though this does not apply to everyone, research indicates that many men will often see sex as more gratification and pleasure. In contrast, women often see it more as a connection and a sign of commitment from the other person. So, if you separate sex from love, it might be easier to understand the equation.
  Open vs Monogamy

Open relationships are where committed couples either introduce sexual partners into the relationship or seek out new sexual encounters independently. So, the explanation and emphasis are that these relationships are more focused on sex than love. For some, open relationships are considered the best of both worlds. Many have countless sexual encounters and someone in their life to share special moments and come home to each day. Though everyone involved in the encounters will likely be consenting, aware of what they are getting into, and the relationship status of all involved parties. However, a proportion of people will hide or lie about their personal circumstances and situation.

Circumstances exist where open relationships can help or save relationships, especially relationships with love. For example, in the cases where a partner cannot carry out related sexual activities due to physical reasons or a significant age gap between the partners. Other reasons might be directly linked to a person’s well-being, relating to surgical procedures or even physical or mental disabilities. More often, there is also the fact that one partner may have specific wants or needs that the other partner is unable to fulfil. Though sex may occur outside of the relationship, they are still in love and remain committed to their partner. Ultimately for the majority, it is about enjoying sex together or apart, where everyone is accepting and onboard with regards to the rules relating to the encounters

A belief exists by some that by wanting monogamy, those people are trying to confirm and give in to societal pressures. Many believe it is wrong to want a committed, loving relationship with one partner. On the opposite side, some may want an open relationship, forcing their partner into accepting for fear of losing them. Though often mutual, there is generally the perception that one partner wants the best of both worlds. The concept of cheating by consent and, in doing so, are cherry-picking parts of the relationship experience that works for them. Open relationships are often honest, and all partners abide by rules and conditions; however, certain aspects of multiple sexual partners still have to be considered.

  Down to choice

There is a saying that when you have sex, you are sleeping with everyone that your partner has ever slept with before. Though condoms and certain pills can help prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), they do not offer 100% protection. Protecting the health of all those involved is crucial. In contrast, if a partner is more inclined to lie and cheat, they may be less likely to consider their partner’s sexual health and overall happiness.

Ultimately it comes down to choice. Whether you are straight or gay, if you are looking for a monogamous or open relationship, be honest from the start. Encourage your partner or potential partner to be honest with you and share their thoughts and feelings on the subject. If everyone is happy and on board, then go forth and be happy. Always remembering to practice safe sex to protect everyone involved from diseases and STDs. The argument that we are different from our heterosexual counterparts is wrong. So is the pressure by some to reject conventional relationship structures.

If you are happy and in love, have the relationship you and your partner want and do not adhere to pressure or comments from others on how to live your life


Acceptance and coming to terms with a part of what makes you can be challenging for many people. The Gayther pride in series is about celebrating all things relating to sexualities, gender identities and special groups. Showcasing the exceptional people, interesting facts and ways to connect with those unique communities, all designed to help and promote pride in LGBTQIA+ identities
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